- 南极洲 -- 仅比星际空间暖和一点点的冰冷荒原，未被当地人污染
- 非洲 -- 最早有人居住的大洲，土地很大物种丰富
- 亚洲 -- 巨大混乱有许多城市的旷阔空间
- 澳大利亚 -- 曾是外星生物Denebian的流放地，其后裔包括鸭嘴兽，考拉，和袋鼠
- 欧洲 -- 局促且拥挤，没多大意思
- 北美洲 -- 大气中充满了CO2，非常适合植物们前往旅游
- 南美洲 -- 山脉增长最快的地方
- 海洋 -- 多数智慧生物的家园
- 苍天 -- 几乎充满了鸟类和其他的有翼生物
- 地狱 -- 值得一游，看看经过50年的全球变暖后地球会是什么样
- 纽约 -- 全球新生和功能失调行星政府的世界总部
- 伦敦 -- 这里可以找到一些好的啤酒
- 巴黎 -- 当地居民为俗气的民间艺术和单（非经营性）的飞艇停靠塔
- 约翰内斯堡 -- 附近大城市 南极洲; 好买食品杂货
- 罗斯威尔 -- 如果你必须接近地面，尝试这相当令人愉快的沙漠地区。
- 大峡谷 -- 优秀的赛车地
- 百慕大三角 -- 钓鱼，飓风，货轮绑架
- 冰岛 -- 美味的新鲜温泉
- 贝加尔湖 -- 补点冷水游泳和冒险，有一个繁荣的中华鲟的妓院
- 月亮 -- 这个双行星系统的较小的合作伙伴是理想的高尔夫
- 加利福尼亚 - 家里的最后一个幸存的加利福尼亚葡萄干，州长，和 Gates to Hell, just off the I-5 in Anaheim.
有没有定期船服务到地球，为Vogons尚未完成新的超循环，会使访问更容易施工。旅行者偶尔成功了，虽然要骑回可能非常耗时。如果你租一艘宇宙飞船，要知道体面的着陆设施也严重缺乏，当地人害怕飞碟。轨道站是惊人的原始，没有现代化的对接设施。 Area 51被广泛认为是廉价停车的最佳选择。
当地的交通主要依赖于化石燃料的燃烧，便是不安全的，缓慢的，速度很少超过0.002 光秒/小时。地球人有隧道直接通过地球其他地方的原始禁忌，往往还有很长的路要走以下的表面而不是。因此，旅行时间可以相当长。 喷气背包，量子消失驱动器，和ultranic超fizzout设备仍未被发现由地球的原始技术的祭司种姓。奇怪的是，这些工具的使用将“不”他们的好奇心，但敌视和恐惧。它可能很难采用地球人了。
Amazingly, most Earthlings can only communicate by pushing air through flaps of meat, producing series of vaguely musical squeaks and burbles. Utilization of radio for communication is limited to broadcasting political propaganda and mating songs. However, rudimentary digital conversation is possible anonymously over the Intarweb, accessible at 2.4-2.5 GHz near St. Arbucks outlets.
Earth's waterbound delphine population, on the other
hand flipper, uses a charming series of beeps, clicks, whistles and multi-band telepathy to communicate. Delphine is a pleasant language that can be picked up quite easily by the experienced traveler. Be forewarned that dolphins primarily use their powerful communications skills to tell dirty jokes and to scam their way into cool nightclubs.
There are few objects of interest on Earth, although some visitors have found that Homos make amusing pets. (Ruminants of genus Bos are also quaint, but more difficult to care for.) Try to select your specimens in isolated areas, such as farming communities, to minimize unwanted attention. Turning on your spaceship lights at full blast will usually make them freeze long enough to be captured. Once on-board, be sure to give the Homo a thorough medical examination to ensure it's free of vermin, and if found infested, just drop it off where you took it. Species of the genus Heteros breed at an alarming rate (the process is not pretty), so be careful not to pick up a mating pair of them.
Earthlings are an acquired taste; most find them overly chewy and hairy. Wikivoyageurs, especially Wikivoyage administrators, taste horribly grotesque and bitter beyond belief. It's best to avoid eating any Wikivoyageur. Try the fish tacos instead, or a nice tossed salad.
It appears that dihydrogen monoxide is a required liquid to sustain the existence of the semi-intelligent life forms that inhabit the planet. Although commonly available in juice-bearing fruits, many Earthlings instead add bubbles and mix high fructose corn syrup with it before serving. Various forms of fermented plant product (known locally as "beer", "whiskey" or "the sauce") are also consumed in great quantities. These liquids appear to serve an important purpose in the life of the Earthling male, who will frequently buy them for the females as part of the species' bizarre mating ritual.
One place that Earth falls down on the hospitality scale is in sleeping accommodations. Almost all hotels are tailored specifically for the needs of beings the size and shape of the typical Earthling (18 standard units high, or 2 local "meters"). Typical galactic customizations that could be handled in even the most basic of civilized planets (a bed longer than 300 meters, a bed of molten lava, a comfy prism for intelligent shades of the color blue) will elicit only dumb, moist stares from the local hospitality industry. Only beings between, say, 1/4 to double the size of an average human, and that can tolerate liquid-water temperatures, will find professional lodging of any kind.
Of course, there are ample opportunities for sleeping al fresco. Camping on Earth can be highly rewarding, especially if you can find a section of the planet sufficiently remote to go mostly undetected. The locals are easily frightened, however, so avoid any serious modifications of the environment (boring holes into the planet's crust; igniting whole ecosystems; consuming all atmospheric nitrogen). Remember the galactic campers' code: take only cow entrails, leave only crop circles.
Although the planet boasts countless cosmetology schools, none of them are accredited by any galactic boards and their credits will almost assuredly fail to transfer to degree-granting institutions in your quadrant. Don't be fooled by the names of Har-Vard University and Ox-Ford University; these appear to have no relationship with the famous and prestigious Har-Fart University and Ox-Fart University on Neptune. Earth has no other educational opportunities to speak of.
Earth offers few of the work opportunities found in other systems - the need for hyper-drive repair technicians is unknown, galactic refueling operations are non-existent, and crop-art is frowned upon by the locals and unlikely to generate significant patronage. However, for those willing to assume a visage that resembles that of an Earthling some interesting options exist. Hollywood currently employs numerous non-Earthlings in positions within the entertainment industry, including Keith Richards, Prince, and Robert Downey, Jr. Earthlings are also amused by the simplest of anatomical tricks, and the inter-galactic Cirque du Soleil troupe has found great success on the planet. For those looking for quieter employment, the New York subway system is always seeking drivers, and the country of France offers unlimited opportunities.
Mostly harmless. The inhabitants of Earth have recently discovered the weaponry use of primitive fission- and fusion-based devices. Facilities for inter-planetary deployment of such devices remain lacking, and such devices are unlikely to penetrate the armor of spacecraft conforming to Intergalactic Automotive Associations Standards 345IR-14. Carbon-based travelers should take note that deployment of such devices may cause some discomfort.
With proper precautions Earth is a generally safe place to visit. The fatalities suffered by Martian visits to England in 1898 and New Jersey in 1938 (naively referred to by Earthlings as the "War of the Worlds" and by Martians as "The War of Earthling Aggression") are easily avoided with use of simple antihistamines. Temperatures on Earth are almost universally lower than on other planets. While these extreme temperatures provide unique opportunities - metals such as lead and tin can actually be seen in their solid form - proper clothing is vital to a pleasant stay on this planet.
Health facilities are completely useless on Earth. Medical technology still utilizes such quaint devices as the tongue depressor (literally a wooden stick used for manipulating organs in the oral cavity) and rubber glove (which Earthing doctors use in unspeakable ways to treat the male of the species). Adding insult to injury, the wait and paperwork required for even this rudimentary level of care is interminable.
Hard as it may be to accept, Earthlings deserve our grudging respect as living, sentient creatures; our brothers from across the stars who may someday join the galactic community as equals and peers. We have so much to learn from each other.
Ha ha! Gotcha! You believed us there for a moment, didn't you? Seriously, you do want to be on your best behavior, as Earthlings are extremely prickly, hidebound, unfun creatures who freak out quite easily at anything they haven't seen before on cable TV. They can get quite cheesed off by pretty much anything you say, do, or radiate, and they get stabby and shooty whenever they're angry. So be careful.
Typical Earthling sore spots include: being proven wrong; consuming any of their close family members; reminding them that they still look an awful lot like monkeys; cool tricks with fusion, subspace, or really anything that shows how backward and remedial their own technology is; making any considerable holes in the planet itself; and the elimination of any native species, however small, inconsequential or squiggly.
Arecibo on the rocky outcrop of Puerto Rico allows you to call home. Alternatively, dial +1-800-CALL-ATT. As all calls on the planet are intercepted by the NSA and all calls off the planet are intercepted by NASA, visitors are strongly advised to encrypt all communications as a precaution against industrial espionage. And to the Earthlings, for future reference, YES we can hear you now...